FOR    THE    INSTRUCTION    OF    SUCH    POLITICIANS    AS 
ARE    OF    TENDER    YEATS, 

|   Cartfullg    <&0mpileb    bg    fibers    |Tcarntb    mtb    Jl^signing    ||Un. 

AUTHORIZED   AND    WITH    ADMONITIONS   BY 

FERNANDO    THE    GOTHAMITE, 

High   Priest   of  tfce   Order   of  Copperheads.        • 


CO 


o 

C\J 
00 


NEW-YORK  : 

PUBLISHED     FOIl    THE    COMPILERS    BY 

IR     TOUSEY,    No.     121    NASSAU     STREET 
1864. 


THE 


COPPERHEAD 

\i 

CATECHISM. 


FOR   THE  INSTRUCTION  OF   SUCH  POLITICIANS 
AS    ARE    OF    TENDER    YEARS. 


CAREFULLY  COMPILED  BY  DIYERS  LEARNED  AND  DESIGNING  MEN. 
AUTHORIZED  AND  "WITH    ADMONITIONS    BY 

FEKNAtfDO    THE    GOTHAMITE, 

HIGH    PRIEST     OF     THE    OEDEK     OF     COPPERHEADS. 


NEW-YOKE: 

PUBLISHED   FOR   THE    COMPILERS   BY 

SINCLAIR    TOUSEY,    121    NASSAU    STREET. 

1864. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1864, 
BY  MONTGOMERY  WILSON, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States  for  the 
Southern  District  of  New  York. 


EEASOXS  FOR  THE  PUBLICATION  OF 
THIS  WOEK. 

THE  times  are  out  of  joint,  and  there  is  scarcely  a  Cop 
perhead  able  at  the  present  time  to  obtain  a  crumb  of  the 
public  pickings.  It  is  sad  to  contemplate  the  presence 
of  those  pernicious  influences  which, overshadow  the  land, 
and  have  caused  the  "  light  of  other  days"  to  fade  into 
obscurity.  Time  was  when  all  the  pleasant  places  were 
filled  by  those  who  were  "  sound  upon  the  goose,"  but 
it  is  presumptuous  in  the  men  who  now  guide  the  move 
ments  of  "  Uncle  Sam's  web  feet,"  to  arrogate  to  them 
selves  an  ability  to  deal  with  the  questions  of  the  day 
equal  to  that  possessed  by  those  who  have  heretofore, 
like  their  Roman  prototypes,  saved  the  Capitol  by  their 
cackling. 

Our  teachers  have  neglected  their  duties,  and  have 
allowed  the  mental  powers  of  those  over  whom  they 
should  have  watched  with  a  parental  care,  to  run  waste. 
The  tide  upon  which  we  are  drifting  must  be  turned. 
The  Ship  of  State  must  be  anchored  in  the  old  harbor, 
wherein  she  so  long  and  so  proudly  floated  in  safety. 

Considering  that  the  time  is  rapidly  approaching  when 
this  Ship  of  State  will  hav^e  to  be  manned  anew,  it  is  ne- 

Ml  Rf 


X  REASONS   FOR   PUBLICATION. 

cessary  that  instruction  should  be  imparted  to  those  upon 
whom  will  devolve  the  duty  of  selecting  the  new  crew, 
so  that  they  may  choose  men  who  will  each  lend  a  willing 
hand  at  the  wheel,  and  will  ever  have  an  eye  directed  to  the 
"shot  in  the  locker."  Question  and  answer  have  in  all  ages 
been  adopted  as  the  best  medium  for  imparting  informa 
tion  when  it  is  desirable  to  place  the  same  in  a  form 
adapted  to  the  comprehension  of  the  meanest  capacity. 
That  form  has  therefore  been  adopted  in  the  present 
case,  and  it  is  hoped  that  by  the  aid  of  this  Catechism 
the  youthful  Copperhead  will  have  deeply  implanted  in 
his  heart  the  great  principles  which  will  lead  him  to 
honor  and  obey  those  who  rule  over  him,  provided  they 
are  of  his  own  party,  live  quietly  and  peaceably  with  all 
who  will  allow  him  to  have  his  own  way,  and  conduct 
himself  as  honestly  as  is  compatible  with  his  advance 
ment  in  life. 

In  the  hope  that  the  seed  which  is  here  sown  will  in 
due  time  yield  forth  an  abundant  harvest,  this  little  work 
is  given  to  the  world. 

THE    COMPILERS. 


I  do  hereby  establish  this  Catechism,  and  declare  it 
to  be  the  authorized  Manual  of  Instruction,  and  require 
that  it  be  received  as  such  by  all  Members  of  the  Order 
of  Copperheads. 

FERISTAKDO, 

High  -Priest  of  the  Order. 


THE 

COPPERHEAD   CATECHISM. 


WHAT  is  the  chief  aim  of  a  Copperhead  in  this 
life  f 

The  chief  aim  of  a  Copperhead  is  to  abuse  the 
President,  vilify  the  Administration,  and  glorify 
himself  before  the  people. 

What  is  the  purpose  lie  will  serve  thereby  f 
He  will  thereby  give  assistance  to  his  "  friends  " 
in  the  fulfillment  of  their  desires. 

To  what  end  will  such  assistance  lead? 

To  the  uprooting  of  Abolitionism,  the  annihila 
tion  of  Republicanism,  the  establishment  of  Copper- 
headism,  the  perpetration  of  a  Peace,  and  the  gene 
ral  display  of  Universal  Submission. 

How  will  abuse  of  the  President  and  vilification 
of  the  Administration  lead  thereto  f 

By  making  Foreign  Nations  believe  that  the 
North  is  distracted  by  dissension,  while  the  South 
is  pursuing  its  career  in  unison. 


k  :1:2:          "THE    COPPERHEAD    CATECHISM. 

How  does  a  Copperhead  accomplish  this  ? 

By  the  blatancy  of  liis  utterances  which  he  causes 
to  be  heard  over  every  other  sound,  as  the  tones  of 
a  brazen  trumpet  are  over  those  of  a  silver  lute. 

Wherein  does  a  Copperhead  glorify  himself  'be 
fore,  the  people? 

By  the  assumption  of  an  ardent  devotion  to  the 
Goddess  of  Liberty,  and  by  the  liberal  display  of 
the  language  of  departed  statesmen. 

My  dear  ~boy,  what  are  the  articles  of  thy  Belief  f 

IBELIEYE  in  One  Country,    One  Constitution, 
One  Destiny  ; 

And  in  George  B.  McClellan,  formerly  General- 
in-Chief  of  the  Armies  of  the  United  States  ;  "Who 
was  born  of  respectable  parents  ;  Suffered  under 
Edwin  M.  Stanton ;  "Was  refused  reinforcements, 
and  descended  into  the  swamps  of  the  Chickahomi- 
ny ;  He  was  driven  therefrom  by  fire  and  by  sword, 
and  upon  the  seventh  day  of  battle  ascended  Mal- 
vern  Hill,  from  whence  he  withdrew  to  Harrison's 
Landing,  where  he  rested  many  days ;  He  returned 
to  the  Potomac,  fought  the  battle  of  Antietam,  and 
was  then  removed  from  his  high  command,  and 
entered  into  Oblivion ;  From  this  he  shall  one 
day  arise  and  be  elevated  to  the  Presidential  chair, 
there  to  dispense  his  favors  unto  all  who  follow 


THE   COPPERHEAD   CATECHISM.  13 

him,   and  who  firmly  rest  upon  the  Platform  of  the 
Party  to  which  he  belongs. 

I  also  believe  in  the  unalienable  doctrine  of  State 
Eights  ;  In  the  admission  of  Slavery  into  the  Terri 
tories;  In  the  illegality  of  the  Confiscation  Act,  of  the 
Conscription,  of  the  Suspension  of  Habeas  Corpus,  of 
Arbitrary  Arrests,  and  of  the  Proclamation  of  Eman 
cipation  ;  And  I  finally  believe  in  a  Peace  which  is 
beyond  everybody's  understanding ;  But  I  do  not  be 
lieve  that  the  Negro  was  born  free  or  equal  to  the 
white  or  any  other  man  ;  And  I  reserve  power  to 
alter  this  my  Belief  during  my  sovereign  will  and 
pleasure. 

From  whence  do  you  derive  this  Belief? 

From  the  Councils  of  the  Elders  and  Teachers  of 
the  Order  of  Copperheads  in  the  immaculate  city 
of  Gotham. 

Who  are  these  Elders  and  Teachers  f 
Benjamin  the  son  of  Hazard,  James  the  Express- 

man,  and  Fernando  the  Gothamite,   the   latter   of 

whom  is  High  Priest  of  the  Order. 

How  is  a  Copperhead's  belief  in  One  Country, 
One  Constitution,  One  Destiny,  compatible  with 
his  desire  for  the  success  of  Secession  ? 

In  the  same  being  all  One  to  him. 


14  THE   COPPERHEAD    CATECHISM. 

On  what  foundation  do  you  rest  your  'belief  in 
George  B.  McClellan  f 

On  the  knowledge  that  his  ways  are  ways  of 
Peace,  and  that  his  paths  have  been  paths  of  pleas 
antness  to  the  Secessionists,  in  allowing  them  to 
escape  from  the  wrath  to  come. 

Have  any  Laws  or  Itules  "been  laid  down  for 
your  guidance  f 

Yes. 

What  are  they  ? 

rpIIE  Commandments  which  Fernando  the  Goth- 
JL  amite  promulgated  unto  the  Bruisers,  the 
Knockdowns,  and  the  Unterrified,  who  are  accus 
tomed  to  assemble  in  the  Great  Hall  of  Mozart,  in 
the  immaculate  city  of  Gotham.  These  are  : — 

I.  Thou  shalt   have   none   other   President   than 
George  B.  McClellan,  nor  shalt  tliou  hearken  to  the 
voice  of  any  other  Leader  but  me. 

II.  Thou  shalt  not  make  unto  thyself  any  brazen 
image  that  is  like  unto  Wood,  who  resembletli    the 
vulture   that   soareth   in   the   air   above,  and  who 
crawleth  on  the  earth  below;  Thou  shalt  not  admit 
of  any  other  Leader  nor   be   subservient   to    any 
other's    will  ;    For    I    Fernando    the    Gothamite 
am  a    crafty  and  barefaced   man,  and  will  visit 
with   condign   contempt   all   such   as   oppose   my 


THE    COPPERHEAD    CATECHISM.  15 

ways,  and  will  show  kindness  to  all  such   as   fawn 
upon  and  flatter  me . 

III.  Thou  shalt  not  connect  the  name  of  Fernan 
do  the  Gothamite  with  any  profane  oath,  inasmuch 
as  there  is  no  oath  sufficiently  strong  to  be  associated 
therewith. 

IT.  Kemember  that  thou  keep  sacred  the  doc 
trine  of  State  Eights  ;  Therein  shalt  thou  find  no 
power  in  the  President  to  interfere  with  the  inter 
nal  regulations  of  thy  State  ;  In  it  he  shall  make  no 
arbitrary  arrests,  nor  imprison  thyself,  nor  thy 
eon,  nor  thy  man-servant,  nor  the  stranger 
that  is  within  thy  gates  ;  For  the  Laws  of  thy  State 
are  alone  sufficient  wherewith  to  punish  the  ill  doer 
and  to  protect  him  who  does  well. 

Y.  Honor  all  the  propounders  and  professors  of 
Peace,  for  their  days  may  not  be  long  in  the  land. 

YI.  Thou  shalt  not  throttle  any  fat  political 
"job." 

YII.  Thou  shalt  not  hold  illicit  intercourse  with 
the  Confederates,  unless  thou^canst  run  the  block 
ade  with  thy  goods,  and  thereby  increase  thy  stores 
of  wealth. 

YIIL  Thou  shalt  not  steal  more  than  thy  share 
of  official  plunder. 

IX.  Thou  shalt  not  bear  false  witness  nor  sup- 


16      THE  COPPERHEAD  CATECHISM. 

press  the  truth,  unless  by  so  doing  thou  canst  in 
crease  the  magnitude  of  thy  wrongs. 

X.  Thou  shalt  not  covet  the  opinions  of  Wendell 
.Phillips,  nor  the  writings  of  Horace  Greeley,  nor 
the  speeches  of  Henry  Ward  Beecher,  nor  the 
color  of  Fred.  Douglas,  nor  any  thing  that  those 
people  may  think,  say,  practice,  or  propose. 

Have  any  oilier  precepts  been  laid  down  for  thy 
observance  ? 
Yes,  two. 

What  are  they  ? 

THOU  shalt  hate  the  Nigger  wich  all  thy  heart, 
and  with  all  thy  soul,  and  with  all  thy   mind, 
and  with  all  thy  strength.      This   is   the  first   and 
great  commandment.     And  the  second  is  like  unto 

o 

it ;  Thou  shalt  hate  an  Abolitionist  like  the  devil. 
On  these  two  commandments  hang  all  the  Copper 
heads. 

What  do  you  chiefly  learn  from  these  Com 
mandments  ? 

My  duty  to  the  Leaders  of  my  Party  and  my  du 
ty  to  myself. 

What  is  the  duty  you  owe  to  the  Leaders  of 
your  party  f 

Implicit  belief  in  every   thing    they   say,    strict 


THE  COPPERHEAD  CATECHISM.       17 

obedience  to  every  thing  they  require,  and  the  ab 
ject  performance  of  every  work  which  they  impose 
upon  me. 

What  is  the  duty  you  owe  to  yourself  ? 
The  feathering  of  my  own  nest. 

Where  are  nests  principally  feathered  f 
In  the  "Woods. 

What  are  the  characteristics  of  Woods  ? 
Plots  with  trees-on. 

What  are  Laws  ? 

Acts  passed  by  the  representatives  of  the  people, 
and  passed  over  by  the  people  themselves. 

What  is  Congress  f 

A  conclave  elected  by  the  people  to  redress  their 
Wrongs,  but  which  robs  them  of  their  Eights. 

What  are  States  ? 

Sovereign  Sisters  who,  like  strong-minded  women, 
are  great  sticklers  for  their  Rights. 

Are  there  any  points  of  difference  between  the 
Sisters  f 

Yes;  certain  "wayward  Sisters" desire  to  depart  in 
peace,  whilst  the  others  desire  to  arrive  at  peace. 

Of  what  is  a  Civic  Corporation  composed? 
Of  (k)naves  in  the  common-weal. 


18  THE    COPPERHEAD    CATECHISM. 

What  is  a  Ring? 

A  hard  band  in  wliicli  there  is  gold   all  round 
and  without  end. 

What  is  an  elective  Judiciary  f 
A   right  given  offenders    to   choose   their  own 
Judges,  and  to  be  tried  by  their  peers. 

What  is  a  Convention  ? 

A  meeting  in  which  few  are  appointed  and  many 
disappointed. 

What  is  an  Election  ? 

The   act  of  voting  for  a  member,  who  you  ex 
pect  will  re-member  you. 

What  is  Tammany  f 

An  old  wigwam  in  which  the  pipe  of  Peace  has 
been  smoked  out. 

What  is  Mozart  Hall  ? 

A  Concert  Eoom  in  which.  Wood's  Minstrels  do 
the  Nigger  business. 

What  is  a  demagogue  f 

A  man  who  rules  the  roast,  and  roasts  his  rulers. 

What  is  a  Peace  Democrat? 

A  Northern  man  with  Southern  principles. 

What  is  a   War  Democrat  f 
An  old  friend  with  a  new  face. 


THE  COPPERHEAD  CATECHISM.       19 

What  is  a  Confederate  f 

A  Southern  gentleman  of  chivalric  habits  and 
aristocratic  aspirations. 

Who  is  Jeff.  Davis? 

A  man  whose  word  is  his  bond,  and  whose  bonds 
make  him  dear  to  all  who  put  their  trust  in  him. 

Who  is  Alexander  H.  Stevens  ? 
A  Southern  architect  who  designed  an  edifice,  and 
used  an  old  "  stumbling-block''  for  its  corner  stone. 

Who  was  John  B.  Floyd  ? 

A  much-abused  individual,  who,  although  he  first 
stole  guns  from  the  North,  and  afterwards  stole 
away  from  Fort  Donelson,  had  sufficient  honesty 
left  to  pay  the  debt  of  nature. 

Who  is  John  H.  Morgan  f 
A  guerrilla  chieftain  who  took  to  his  arms  in  Ken 
tucky  and  to  his  legs  in  Ohio. 

Who  is  James  M.  Mason  ? 
A  celebrated   Confederate  who  went  to  England 
to  grind  an  axe,  and  got  cut  in  the  operation. 

Who  is  John  Slidell  ? 

Another  celebrated  Confederate  who  tried  to 
wake  up  France,  but  found  her  ]S~ap.  too  deep. 


20  THE    COPPERHEAD    CATECHISM. 

Who  is  Captain  Semmes  f 

A  noted  sea-dog  whose  barque  we  are  unable  to 
see,  but  whose  bite  we  are  too  often  able  to  feel. 

Who  is  James  Buchanan  ? 

An  "  Old  Public  Functionary,"  who,  before  his 
sands  of  political  life  ran  out,  placed  his  country  in 
a  pickle,  and  was  afterwards  sent  up  Salt  River  by 
the  people. 

Who  is  Governor  Seymour 

A  "  friend"  who  promised  to  test  the  legality  of 
the  Conscription,  but  was  "  brought  up"  by  the 
Habeas  Corpus. 

Who  is   Vallandigham  f 

A  politician^who  overstepped  the  mark'and  found 
himself  beyond  the  border. 

What  is  Fort  Lafayette  ? 

A  round  residence  fer  those  who  do  not  act  on 
the  square. 

On  what  ground  does  Fernando  the  Gothamite 
claim  the  right  to  be  your  Leader  ? 

Because  "solitary  and  alone  "  he  put  ihe'tiawl  of 
Peace  in  motion. 

What  is  a  Copperhead's  Peace  ? 

A  scarecrow  in  the  plumage  of  a  dove. 

What  is  the  banner  of  Peace  f 

The  flag  of  many  stripes  and  but  few  stars. 


'          COPPERHEAD   CATECHISM.  21 

What  is  the  language  of  treason  f 
Windy    words,    which  sometimes   lead  to  hard 
blows. 

What  is  the  language  of  sympathy  f 
Tempering  the  wind  to  the  shorn  lamb. 

What  is  a  Peace  proposition  f 
A.  proposal  to  turn  one  cheek  to  the  enemy,  after 
having  been  smitten  by  him  on  the  other. 

What  is  observed  at  a  Peace  Convention  f 
Vessels  of  Wood  floating  in  dirty  waters. 

What  is  the  fruit  of  the  Copperheads?* 
The  Apple  of  Discord. 

What  are  the  weapons  of  peace  f 
Quaker  guns. 

By  whom,  and  where  were  they  first  discovered  f 
By  General  McClellan  at  Hunson's  Hill. 

What  is  the  last  ditch? 

The  Slough  of  Despond,  towards  which  the  Con 
federates  are  fast  approaching. 

What  is  a  riot  ? 
The  meeting  of  a  few  "  friends." 

What  is  conscription  ? 

A  lottery  in  which  he  who  draws   a   prize  looks 
blank. 


22      THE  COPPERHEAD  CATECHISM. 

What  is  the  Commutation  Clause  ? 
A  screen  by  which  you  avoid  the  draft. 

What  is  Shoddy? 

The  sensation  fiction  of  the  day,  in  which  bad  hab 
its  are  made  to  appear  good  ones,  but  the  decep 
tion  is  so  threadbare  that  it  is  easily  seen  through, 
though  it  possesses  the  power  of  being  felt. 

Who  is  the  favorite  General  in  Shoddydom  f 
General  PJunder. 

What  is  a  contract  f 

An  undertaking  to  receive  certain  monies  for 
uncertain  performances. 

What  is  a  Government  Contractor? 
A  Knight  of  the  Golden  Fleece. 

What  is  the  Almighty  Dollar  f 

A  golden  idol  which  has  been  demon-etized. 

What  are  the  principal  issues  of  the  war  ? 
Postage  currency  and  Greenbacks. 

What  is  Postage  Currency  ? 
Filthy  lucre. 

What  is  a  Greenback  f 

A  Ledger  mystery,  with  a  promising  commence 
ment,  and  a  termination  indefinitely  postponed. 


THE  COPPERHEAD  CATECHISM.       23 

What  is  Gold? 
About  50  per  cent  premium. 

What  is  the  "  impending  crisis  f" 
The  "  irrepressible   conflict"   between   gold  and 
greenbacks. 

What  is  the  suspension  of  specie  payments  f 
The  result  of  gold  being  Chased  out  of  circulation. 

What  are  Federal  Bonds  f 
Pawn-tickets  given  by  Uncle  Sam. 

Wliat  are  Confederate  Bonds  f 
The  shackles  of  slavery. 

What  is  a  Statute  of  Limitations  f 
A  "Wooden  loophole  through  which  offenders  may 
escape  Justice. 

What  do  you  understand  to  le  the  meaning  of 
the  word  Swindle  ? 

That  it  is  an  ill-natured  definition  given  to  any 
transaction  in  which  the  operator  displays  his  good 
sense  in  looking  after  number  One. 

What  is  a  traitor  f 

A  breacher  of  the  peace, 

What  is  the  writ  of  Habeas  Corpus  ? 
A  suspender  by  which  such  Preachers  are   pro 
tected  from  falling. 


24       THE  COPPERHEAD  CATECHISM. 

Why  is  Boston  the  central  home  of  the  Aboli 
tion  outcry  ? 

Because  it  is  the  hub-bub  of  the  Universe. 

What  is  negro  equality  ? 

A  black  draught  which  is  unpalatable  to  the  Cop 
perheads,  and  which  runs  through  the  entire  body 
of  the  Abolitionists. 

What  are  contrabands  f 

Colored  people  which  the  war  sent  us,  and  whom 
we  scent  a  long  way  off'. 

What  is  a  suspension  of  hostilities  f 
Rebels  hanging  negro  soldiers. 

What  is  a  negro  soldier  f 

A  black  man  who  has  deserted  the  hoe  and  taken 
to  the  drill. 

What  is  a  standing  Army  f 

One  that  is  "  all  quiet  on  the  Potomac." 

*WTiat  is  a  standing  J^avy  f 
A  stone  fleet. 

What  is  a  paper  blockade  f 
"The  baseless  fabric  of  a  vision,  which  leaves  not 
a  wreck  behind." 

What  is  intervention? 

A  wedge  which  if  used  would  be  influential  in 
splitting  the  Union. 


THE    COPPERHEAD    CATECHISM.  25 

What  is  cotton  f 

The  beetle  by  which  such  wedge  might  be  driven 
home. 

What  is  neutrality  f 

Justice  with  her  bandage  removed   from   one   of 
her  eyes. 

What  is  an  amnesty  ? 

A  gate  through  which  lost  sheep   may  re-enter 
the  fold. 

What  do  you  understand  ~by  the  Monroe    doc 
trine  f 

Busying  yourself  with  your  neighbors'  affairs. 

What  is  Loyalty  f 

Fidelity  to  the  supreme  command,  the  adherence 
to  which  \&  foreign  to  the  Copperheads.     * 

What  is  unconditional  Loyalty  ? 
Loyalty  without  any  condition  which  is  accepta 
ble  to  the  Copperhead. 

What  is  your  idea-  of  public  opinion  f 
That  it  is  the  opinion  most  in  accordance  with  my 
own  views. 

What  is  the  false-hood  of  the  hour  f 
The  mask  of  Peace. 

What  is  the  greatest  lie  of  the  day  f 
A.  Philadelphia  Despatch. 

What  is  a  Tax-gatherer  f 
An  unwelcome  visitor. 


26       THE  COPPERHEAD  CATECHISM. 

What  is  the  principal  effect  produced  ly  inter 
nal  taxation  f 

Raising  the  spirits. 

What  is  the  Naturalization  Office  ? 
A  hothouse  in  which  Democratic  voters  are  con 
veniently  raised. 

Why  are  Copperheads  jubilant  over  Confederate 
victories  ? 

Because  they  are  like  angels'  visits,  few  and  far 
between. 

How  is  it  that  the  Confederate  yoke  is  distaste- 
ful  to  some  people  ? 

Because  it  is  found  in  a  very  bad  egg. 

What  are  you  chiefly  taught  ly  this  Catechism  ? 

I  am  chiefly  taught  by  this  Catechism  to  perpet 
ually  praise  George  B.  McClellan,  and  to  eternally 
hate  the  nigger ;  To  faithfully  follow  in  the  Copper 
head  faith,  and  to  oppose  with  pertinacity  all  those 
who  hold  contrary  political  opinions  ;  To  be  ever 
alive  to  my  own  interests,  and  to  know  nothing 
about  war  for  the  Union  ;  To  be  a  firm  adherent  to 
the  doctrine  of  State  Rights,  and  to  every  other 
doctrine  which  may  give  cause  of  annoyance  to  the 
Administration  ;  These,  and  sundry  other  points  of 
belief  I  am  taught  firmly  to  hold  ;  and  in  testimo 
ny  of  my  faith  and  assurance  to  be  heard  as  a  sound 
Copperhead,  I  say,  AMEN. 


THE  ADMONITIONS    OF    FERNANDO  THE 
GOTHAMITE, 

HIGH   PKIEST    OF   THE    ORDER   OF  COPPERHEADS. 


Hearken  thou,  my  Boy,  unto  these  mine  admoni 
tions. 

My  voice  shall  be  to  thee  like  unto  the  cooing  of 
the  gentle  dove  ; 

Tea,  like  unto  the  dove  that  bore  the  olive  branch, 
the  emblem  of  Peace,  unto  the  ark,  and  then  turned 
its  back  upon  those  who  fondled  it  during  the  time 
that  the  tempest  devastated  the  land. 

My  Boy,  if  Abolitionists  seek  to  entice  thee,  turn 
thou  a  deaf  ear  unto  them  ;  plant  thy  thumb  upon 
thy  nose,  and  extend  thy  fingers  as  in  the  act  of 
derision. 

If  they  ask  thee  to  join  their  ranks  and  to  be 
smear  thy  pure  hands  with  the  blood  of  the  inno 
cent  without  cause ; 

If  they  would  have  thee  to  swallow  them  up  alive 
as  thou  swallowest  an  oyster  or  a  clam  : 

If  they  tell  thee  that  thou  shalt  be  rewarded  with 
houses  and  with  lands  ;  that  thou  shalt  find  for  thy 
self  watches  of  gold  and  spoons  of  silver  ;  and  that 
thou  shalt  have  a  he-negro  for  thy  serving  man  and 
a  she-negro  for  thy  handmaiden ; 


28  ADMONITIONS  OF  FERNANDO  THE  GOTHAMITE. 

My  Boy,  although  thine  ears  were  as  long  as  the 
ears  of  an  ass,  turn  them  away,  and  with  a  voice  as 
loud  as  the  bray  thereof,  tell  them  that  thou  wilt 
not  follow  in  their  footsteps  : 

For  their  feet  tread  in  unconstitutional  paths,  and 
their  hands  make  haste  to  shed  blood. 

Surely  they  would  entangle  thee  in  the  net  which 
they  would  spread  before  thee. 

They  would  use  thy  hands  like  the  paws  of  the 
cat,  wherewith  to  pluck  from  the  burning  fire  the 
chesnuts  which  they  seek  to  devour. 

The  Apostles  of  Peace  have  cried  aloud,  they 
have  put  forth  their  propositions  in  the  Halls  of 
Congress,  they  have  propounded  their  pacific  plans 
in  the  highways  and  in  the  byways,  and  in  all  the 
public  places,  saying, 

A  great  and  powerful  people  should  be  magnani 
mous,  and  wherewithal  so  charitable,  that  when 
with  their  mighty  power  they  have  crushed  the 
head  of  the  serpent,  they  should  clothe  themselves 
with  the  attributes  of  the  Samaritan,  and  fondle 
the  wounded  reptile  in  their  bosom  ; 

Surely  it  is  not  beneath  their  dignity,  nor  incon 
sistent  with  their  safety,  that  they  should  abstain  from 
imposing  any  degrading  or   destructive    conditions 
upon  any  vampire  that  may   have    sought  to  suck 
their  very  life  blood  : 

Therefore  any  war  which  may  be  waged  against 
such  creatures  must  be  "  bloody,    destructive,    and 


inhuman." 


Thus  have  the  Apostles  of  Peace  cried  aloud,  and 


ADMONITIONS  OF  FERNANDO  THE  GOTHAMITE.  29 

the  people  refused  to  hear  them  ;  they  stretched 
forth  the  right  hand  of  fellowship  and  no  man  re 
garded  them, 

Even  my  counsel,  the  counsel  of  Fernando  the 
Gothamite,  have  they  set  at  naught,  and  have 
turned  a  deaf  ear  to  my  reproofs  ; 

They  bark  at  me  as  the  honnd  barketh  at  the 
fox  ;  yea,  and  they  say  that  I  am  as  sly  as  a  fox, 
and  moreover  as  cunning. 

But,  my  Boy,  heed  thou  not  the  animadversions  of 
my  adversaries,  for  I  will  mock  them  with  a  deri 
sive  laugh ;  and  as  the  fox  pursueth  the  goose  to 
destruction,  so  will  I  in  like  manner  pursue  them. 

Hearken  thou  unto  the  instruction  of  one  who 
would  be  unto  thee  as  a  father ;  yea,  as  a  father 
who  would  chastise  thee  with  the  rod  if  thou  stray- 
est  from  the  path  which  he  has  marked  out  for 
thee,  for  he  will  direct  thee  in  the  path  which  lead- 
eth  on  to  plenty ; 

"With  the  sharpness  of  a  sickle,  and  with  the 
crookedness  thereof,  shalt  thou  reap  a  harvest  of 
wealth  ;  thou  shalt  garner  up  a  pile  of  riches  that 
shall  be  more  lasting  than  greenbacks. 

Thou  who  art  of  tough  metal  shall  spurn  with  in 
dignation  that  which  the  deluded  ones  term  "  legal 
tender." 

Brass  is  more  durable  than  paper,  therefore  shalt 
thou  seek  brass  and  find  it ; 

It  shall  enter  into  thyj  composition  ;   thy   heart 
shall  be  even  as  a  heart  of  brass,  and  thy  face  shall  { 
shine  refulgent  with  a  brazen  smile. 

I  speak  to  thee  in  the  language   of  Peace,   and 


30  ADMONITIONS  OF  FERNANDO  THE  GOTHAMITE. 

should  any  one  tell  tliee  that  there  can  be  no  Peace, 
thou  shalt  argue  him  with  thy  clenched  fist,  and 
with  the  force  of  thy  argument  thou  shalt  prove  to 
him  that  he  lies. 

I  speak  to  thee  in  a  language  so  plain  that  thou 
canst  easily  understand  it ;  so  be  thou  equally  plain 
in  thine  arguments,  taking  care  that,  like  unto  the 
arrow  of  the  archer,  they  go  straight  to  the  mark. 

Receive  my  instructions  as  thou  wouldst  those  of 
an  oracle,  and  when  I  open  my  mouth  no  impertin 
ent  cur  shall  rend  the  air  with  his  discordant  bark. 

Mighty  is  the  power  which  I  wield  :  by  me 
are  Judges  appointed,  and  at  the  movement  of  my 
lips  are  they  displaced  ; 

Place-hunters  approach  me  with  fear  and  tremb 
ling,  they  scan  the  lines  of  my  countenance  with 
awe,  and  they  become  jubilant  at  the  twinkle  of 
mine  eye  ; 

I  fill  the  pleasant  places  with  those  that  follow 
me,  and  with  an  icy  smile  I  turn  away  those  who 
refuse  to  be  subservient  to  my  will. 

Wealth  and  position  are  the  rewards  which  I  oifei 
unto  the  faithful,  and  the  fruit  of  my  favors  shall 
burst  forth  with  wine  more  sparkling  than  Catawba, 
more  powerful  than  the  lightning  of  Jersey. 

He  who  partaketh  of  my  spirit  shall  be  so  strong, 
verily  so  strong  that  though  ho  runneth  forty  rods, 
he  shall  fall  not. 

,  See  therefore  that  tlion  obeyest  my  instructions, 
for  they  are  the  instructions  of  Fernando  the  Goth- 
amite,  High  Priest  of  the  Order  of  Copperheads. 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROW! 

LOAN  DEPT. 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


H  ICLF  (M)  \ 


im 

140(- 


8  54 


""•  "  • 
JuN  1 7  1968 


lOtt 


APR 


,D  21-100m-G 


LD  21A-45m-9,'67 


General  Library 
University  of  California 


20193 


